I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
