I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
