"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
