I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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