Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
