youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
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I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
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There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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