omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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