I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
