Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize