so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
