Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I would fuck him just for his dog
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
