I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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