ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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