he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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