We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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