Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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