So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
