Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
