Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
