do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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