I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
