I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
