I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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