Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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