sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
