my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
