just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
