i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My feet surprised me
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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