You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i dont even know how to be here
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
