fuck your aforementioned shoe
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
