I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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