the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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