Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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