apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm at about main and main street
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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