trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
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I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
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I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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