We won't sleep together?
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
