So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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