I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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