you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
