He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
