I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
