first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
