Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
