You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
