My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
