I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
