If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
