am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
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We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
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I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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