I met the friendliest cop last night
it hurts more in the daytime
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize