glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
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All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
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2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!