If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
