i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
