This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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