the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.