haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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