i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
