she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
where does the pee come out of this thing
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
