dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
