he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
