At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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