we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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