Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
