Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
