I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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