His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
