somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
