Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
