I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
