my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
