maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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