I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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