I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
