her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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