I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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