508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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