If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
